JOTND: Shaken, Not Stirred

Originally posted by: Facebook
An illegal alien, a Muslim and a Communist go into a bar.

The bartender asks...

"What can I get you, Mr. President?"

I don't care what political affiliation you belong to, that joke is just funny.

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i lol'd.
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Originally posted by: the wierdo
There's nothing like a little child molestation to bring people together and rise above the partisanship

Originally posted by: Pudd¿nheäd
ive been wanting coq for some time now, and im goin for it on sunday!

Originally posted by: Aria Giovanni.pZ
kok. i want kok. lots of kok.

Now that's funny. That 2 for the chrome dome. He's on a roll.

I was not expecting that...I liked it

Originally posted by: Jeniva
I was not expecting that...I liked it

I wasn't either, which is why I lol'd so hard when I first read it.

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President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says: "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"? Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"? Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States of America!!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID" Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am" Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama: "I am urging you please to cash this check" Cashier: "Look Mr. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.

So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?" Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, my mind is a total blank~~~there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing"

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

@ both jokes

I will be telling both of the jokes to friends. Killet's joke totally reminded of a Bush joke where Bush was trying to get into heaven but had to prove who he was.

I liked the first one....loved the second one.
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"Oh, dark grin, he can't help, when he's happy looks insane, oh yeah"

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man named Mac at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. "Yes," said the Instructor. "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

definitions


Recession = neighbor loses his job
Depression = you lose your job
Recovery = obama loses his job

Can she carry a golf bag?

Originally posted by: Courtesy Flu$h
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man named Mac at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. "Yes," said the Instructor. "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

lol!