Computer Addiction

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the
free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when
using a word processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".


and ...........................................

A Real life call to a Tech Support place

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]
"Can you see the C prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor:
I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least she knows what a cursor is.
Sounds like a hardware problem.
I wonder if she's kicked out her monitor's power plug.]
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug,
and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
[pause] "Yes, it is."
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt she would have
accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send her
hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of
monitor she has and it's bound to have more than one switch on
it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look
back there again and find the other cable."
[muffled] "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged securely into the back of your computer."
[still muffled] "I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
[clear again] "No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
--it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]
"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system
and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]

No offense, but most of them aren't really funny, however I have stopped myself from doing this a few times - "In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL"

Dont listen to mr. el lol, I find those halarious.

When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.


just sign up for spam ull never feel depressed you may just end up killing urself tryin to delete of it lol

My buddy spilled his beer at the bar the other day, and I called him a n00b.

Originally posted by: =[1-CAV]=Glacier
My buddy spilled his beer at the bar the other day, and I called him a n00b.

You actually leave your computer to *gasp* go to a bar and socialize? You clearly do not belong here.

Originally posted by: =|NSF|=Ender
Dont listen to mr. el lol, I find those halarious.

Is that anything like hilarious ?

Instead of saying " It's upstairs! ", I always say Rig 1 topside! :/

Also, I have another problem when someone slam the door and im rig 1 interior, I always think my bro just blew a C4 topside.

It is unlawful to enter the rigs without prior permission of Azerty. You are advised that anyone being on this property may be subject to a brutal death.

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN 2005 WHEN ...
>
> 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
>
> 2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
>
> 3. You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of four.
>
> 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
>
> 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is
> that they don't have e-mail addresses.
>
> 6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a
> business manner.
>
> 7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an
> outside line.
>
> 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
> different companies.
>
> 10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
>
> 11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
>
> 12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
> anyone is home.
>
> 13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the
> screen.
>
> 14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
> first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
> you turn around to go and get it.
>
> 15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
>
> 16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
>
> 17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
>
> 18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
> message.
>
> 19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
>
> 20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
> list.
>
> AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Camo that thing friggen pwned me
--------------

the tech supports reminds me of Offspring

Originally posted by: =|NSF|=Ender
Dont listen to mr. el lol, I find those halarious.

U have to know Jun.....doesent really have a sence of humour....right buddy?

"http://www.illwillpress.com/tech.html"
OMG how true that is--LMAO

Originally posted by: netPOSER
"http://www.illwillpress.com/tech.html"
OMG how true that is--LMAO

Sad but true

Originally posted by: r|p

Originally posted by: =|NSF|=Ender
Dont listen to mr. el lol, I find those halarious.

U have to know Jun.....doesent really have a sence of humour....right buddy?

Your absolutely right, I don't have a "sence of humour", but I do have a "sense of humor"

sounds to me like he is an old english teacher looking for work, hes busy here correcting everyones grammar. LOL

Just use F7
Post edited by =|NSF|=Ender at 2/25/2005 4:48:24 PM

Originally posted by: =|NSF|=Ender
sounds to me like he is an old english teacher looking for work, hes busy here correcting everyones grammar. LOL

Just use F7

Well not for nothing but if i'm going to bust someones balls i'm going to at least bust their balls with the proper spelling and grammar.
Post edited by Jun_el at 2/25/2005 4:54:35 PM

Your absolutely right, I don't have a "sence of humour", but I do have a "sense of humor"

Your absolutely right, I don't have a "sence of humour" but, I do have a "sense of humor".

Remember a comma's and periods are your friends.
Post edited by [WOG]Capone at 2/25/2005 4:56:08 PM

Capone I actually think your wrong on that, but this is just getting corny anyway, a misplaced comma and spelling 3 common words like sense, humor, and hilarious aren't really comparable IMO, but you guys have fun.

Originally posted by: Jun_el
Capone I actually think your wrong on that, but this is just getting corny anyway, a misplaced comma and spelling 3 common words like sense, humor, and hilarious aren't really comparable IMO, but you guys have fun.

Ah chill man I am just fucking with you

A Real life call to a Tech Support place

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]
"Can you see the C prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor:
I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least she knows what a cursor is.
Sounds like a hardware problem.
I wonder if she's kicked out her monitor's power plug.]
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug,
and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
[pause] "Yes, it is."
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt she would have
accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send her
hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of
monitor she has and it's bound to have more than one switch on
it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look
back there again and find the other cable."
[muffled] "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged securely into the back of your computer."
[still muffled] "I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
[clear again] "No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
--it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]
"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system
and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]





Real Convo From a AOL Support Tech Guy.

That was already posted dobee.

owned :O

LOL dobee ....
------------------------------------------------------------
Are Computers Male or Female?

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female
(e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!")

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that
computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons
for drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as
informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm
certainly not going to tell you."
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term
memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think that
computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons
follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited
a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Post edited by CaMo_FroG at 2/25/2005 10:42:47 PM

Breast Emoticons

(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo a cups

{ O }{ O } d cups

(oYo) wonder bra breasts

( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| android breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts

Why the Internet Is Like a Vagina - REMEMBER THIS IS ABOUT THE INTERNET !!!!

*If you play with it too much you can go blind.

*You wouldn't believe the things people put in there!

*Some people think they know how to move around in it,
but they really can't interface.

*In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive information
considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think
that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks
today use it for fun most of the time.

*The more people use it the bigger it gets.

*It has no conscience and no memory.
Left to its own devices, it will just do the same
damn dumb things it did before.

*It provides a way to interact with other people.
Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person
you're dealing with until it's too late.

*If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures,
it can spread viruses.

*It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too
much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

*You think you're just playing around, but you can get involved in
something that takes 9 months to finish.

*The part you see is actually just the front end of a very complicated
system.

*If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

*It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions,
it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask
yourself 'why on earth did I do that?'

*Some folks have it, some don't.

*Those who have it think that those who don't have it are somehow
inferior. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think
it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make
about it. Still, many of those who don't have it spend
all their time trying to access it.

*Some people believe in security and avoiding penetration
but others believe it should be open to all comers.

*Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.
Some people would just play with it all day
if they didn't have work to do.

E-Mail Errors..

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can
be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a
business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a
quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had
written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from
memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her
e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note
on the screen:


Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here.

I thought standard emoticon titties were supposed to be like

( . )( . )

The areolas on the (o)(o) are too big for my taste

Originally posted by: dobee
A Real life call to a Tech Support place

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]
"Can you see the C prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor:
I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least she knows what a cursor is.
Sounds like a hardware problem.
I wonder if she's kicked out her monitor's power plug.]
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug,
and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
[pause] "Yes, it is."
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt she would have
accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send her
hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of
monitor she has and it's bound to have more than one switch on
it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look
back there again and find the other cable."
[muffled] "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged securely into the back of your computer."
[still muffled] "I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
[clear again] "No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
--it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]
"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system
and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]

Real Convo From a AOL Support Tech Guy.



lmao...dobee

that isn't real....lol

that is one of the oldest Tech Support jokes/stories/myths out there.

You know your addicted when you think up threads about being addicted.net

You know you addicted when you think up of smart ass replies to threads like this.com

The Programmer and the Talking Frog
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"

"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex.... But a talking frog is pretty neat."

Murphey's Laws Of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

How Does a (______) Chicken Cross the Road?
NT Chicken: Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.

OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Win 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.

Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ...

C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.

VB Chicken: USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)

Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)

Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket !

Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.

Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.

Lotus Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to

Originally posted by: CaMo_FroG
Breast Emoticons

(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo a cups

{ O }{ O } d cups

(oYo) wonder bra breasts

( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| android breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts

Captain I have found intelegent life on this planet but it seems to be rank with tardness and has not had sex in 20 years! How should I engage?

LOL haxoc .... i mearly posted that for the rest of u kids that play this game... im happily married for 6+ years with 2 kids

Posting three times consecutively gets you the gay award.


---------------------------------------------------------------------


Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.

Originally posted by: Spongemike
Posting three times consecutively gets you the gay award.

ur so tubgirl

Originally posted by: Spongemike
Posting three times consecutively gets you the gay award.

having a sig picture of a smiley face and a (|) pussy gives you the great big fag award of the year.
Post edited by .FrankTheTank. at 3/1/2005 1:35:22 PM


H!T][FrankTheTank ::::: http://www.hitclan.com :::::

hes tossing some dudes salad

Camo... you've got too much time on your hands